Does Being Considerate Mean Finishing Last?
If being nice is like being considerate, then would it be fair to say being considerate is a
bad quality to have since we are all familiar with the phrase “nice guys finish last”. We are
constantly bombarded with mixed signals, one liners and cliché by many money magnet gurus teaching that you must be a wolf, a lion, be brutal, be strong and never let anything get in your way of life or the things you are passionate about. I do not know of any considerate lions, tigers
nor bears or wolfs or any other characteristics of individuals who are financially successful and
have a happy personal life. There are a few around and I say a few simply because they have a
level of balance with their behavior and they are able to make a clear distinction as to when to
plug away and when to stop, observe and listen. Being sensitive to your environment and those
around you are key. It’s part of awareness or mindfulness that has slowly become an art of the
past no thanks to technology. With the constant blips and ring tons on your cell giving you
reminders of what just happened that you must be conscience of makes it quite challenging to be
aware of hear and now.
There are some who claim they do have a happy life and they bring their spouse on the stage to
vouch for it, and I will believe them regardless of whether it is part of the presentation or not.
Don’t get me wrong, they do bring a lot to the table and they are all good information, but as
viewers and consumers of such services we subscribe to, are we truly able to decipher the full
messages built in? Are we able to truly apply these tools to the right problems in our lives and
obtain that resolve? It is important to realize that not one formula solves all your problems, so
using the same formula to solve everything in life could lead you to disappointments, frustrations
and possibly giving up on the new venture you have embarked on. I truly hope this does not
happen. This is why I am offering these words to bring awareness and possibly alleviate some of
the obstacles you may confront as you are going through the challenges of life.
A person I believe who is most competent and qualified to speak of such matters is Dr. Travis
Bradberry. Some of the key notes you may want to consider are listed and elegantly explained by
Dr. Bradberry in his article are “8 Habits of Considerate People”. They are simple and easy to
follow. I encourage you to use these methods on your friends and family members as well as
coworkers and all those you do business with.
Philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer once said, “Politeness is to human nature what warmth is to
wax.” It’s true. Being kind and considerate softens people and makes them malleable to your
way of thinking.
But I see another meaning there, too. I think he’s also saying that being considerate of others is
an integral part of what it means to be human. Charles Darwin would have agreed. He argued
that our instinct to be considerate is even stronger than our instinct to be self-serving.
As obvious as that may seem, it’s only recently that neuroscience has been able to explain why.
Research conducted by Dacher Keltner at Berkeley showed that our brains react exactly the same
when we see other people in pain as when we experience pain ourselves. Watching someone else
experience pain also activates the structure deep inside the brain that’s responsible for nurturing
behavior, called the periaqueductal gray.
Being considerate of others is certainly a good career move, but it’s also good for your health.
When you show consideration for others, the brain’s reward center is triggered, which elevates
the feel-good chemicals dopamine, oxytocin, and endogenous opioids. This gives you a great
feeling, which is similar to what’s known as “runner’s high,” and all that oxytocin is good for
your heart.
"Being considerate of others will take you further in life than any college or professional
degree." – Marian Wright Edelman
That’s all well and good, but how practical is it? How do you become more considerate when
you have so many other things competing for your finite mental energy? It’s not that hard—all
you have to do is emulate the habits of highly considerate people.
Show up on time. Sure, sometimes things happen, but always showing up late sends a very clear
message that you think your time is more important than everyone else’s, and that’s just rude.
Even if you really do think that your time is more important, you don’t have to broadcast that
belief to the world. Instead, be considerate and show up when you said you would.
Be deliberately empathic. It’s one thing to feel empathy for other people, but putting that
feeling into action is another matter entirely. It’s great to be able to put yourself in someone
else’s shoes—in fact, it’s essential—but that doesn’t necessarily translate into being considerate.
To be deliberately empathic, you have to let your ability to walk in their shoes change what you
do, whether that’s changing your behavior to accommodate their feelings or providing tangible
help in a tough situation.
Apologize when you need to (and don’t when you don’t). We all know people who are so
insecure or so afraid of offending someone that they practically apologize for breathing. In such
situations, apologizing loses its meaning. But it’s a different matter entirely when a sincere
apology is really necessary. When you’ve made a mistake, or even think you’ve made a mistake,
apologizing is a crucial part of being considerate.
Smile a lot. Physically, it’s easier to frown than to smile—smiling involves 42 different muscles;
however, it pays to make the extra effort, as smiling has a huge effect on other people. People
naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body language of the person they’re talking to. When
you smile at people, they will unconsciously return the favor and feel good as a result.
Mind your manners. A lot of people have come to believe that not only are manners
unnecessary, they’re undesirable because they’re fake. These people think that being polite
means you’re acting in a way that doesn’t reflect how you actually feel, but they’ve got it
backwards. “Minding your manners” is all about focusing on how the other person feels, not on
how you feel. It’s consciously acting in a way that puts other people at ease and makes them feel
comfortable.
Be emotionally intelligent. One of the huge fallacies our culture has embraced is that feeling
something is the same as acting on that feeling, and that’s just wrong, because there’s this little
thing called self-control. Whether it’s helping out a co-worker when you’re in a crunch to meet
your own deadline or continuing to be pleasant with someone who is failing to return the favor,
being considerate often means not acting on what you feel.
Try to find a way for everybody to win. Many people approach life as a zero-sum game. They
think that somebody has to win and somebody else has to lose. Considerate people, on the other
hand, try to find a way for everybody to win. That’s not always possible, but it’s their goal. If
you want to be more considerate, stop thinking of every interaction with others as a win/lose
scenario.
Act on your intuition when it comes to other people’s needs. Sometimes you can just tell
when someone is upset or having a bad day. In such cases, being considerate means checking in
with them to see if your intuition is correct. If your intuition is telling you to reach out—do it;
they’ll appreciate your concern.
Bringing It All Together
Being considerate is good for your mental and physical health, your career, and everyone around
you. On top of that, it just feels good.
What are some other ways to show consideration for others? Please share your thoughts in the
comments section below, as I learn just as much from you as you do from me.
Source: Dr. Travis Bradberry
Published by
Dr. Travis Bradberry
Chief People Scientist at LEADx and #1 bestselling author Emotional Intelligence 2.0
Consideration toward others is a lost art. Turns out it’s great for your health and career. I'll show you how to take it to the next level.
